I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
