your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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