If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
