she was so not down for the gang bang
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
