You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
