your parents love me but you hate me
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
P.S. I can't hear my feet
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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