Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's blow job season.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
