Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
