Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
