my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
