If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
