So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
