I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
