If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
