Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
