drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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