My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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