went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
