Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
