Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
