This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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