Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
