Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Is it because I queefed?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
