Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
