i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
