who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
