walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
