You can't motorboat a personality
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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