If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
