There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
