Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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