I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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