who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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