Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Sorry about my life...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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