Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Enjoy the penises
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize