he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
home. puking in laundry basket.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
