Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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