Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
