wat bout pragnant strippers??
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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