she woke up with a sticky ear
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
