i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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