driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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