So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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