and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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