i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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