Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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