chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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