Don't make out with my wife yet
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
