"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
