in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
