i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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