After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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